Tokies
3 Bond Gate, Pontefract, WF8 2JP
S’up!
It was the merry season, food had been chomped, wine had
flowed and bellies were stuffed. However, it was now a couple of days after
Christmas so the belt had gone back down a notch and we can’t be having that can we.
After a long day of sitting about not doing anything in particular
I noticed a take-away leaflet lingering on the side, one I had never seen
before on any of my visits to Haribo town (Pontefract is where they make them
don’t you know). I pick up the flyer and it reads “Tokies”. Tokies? Is this
some kind of drug delivery service?
Not at all, it is a fast food joint. Kebabs, curry,
wraps, burgers, milks shakes (the shakes come in loads of flavours like Twix,
Wisper, Bounty, Flake, Ferrero Rocher etc.) and pizza! Well who doesn’t love
pizza?
I browse the choices, Veggie, ham & pineapple (oh
balls no!), mighty meaty (sounds like gay porn), BBQ (what?), blah, blah, blah.
I don’t know why I bother really as I always opt for pepperoni. So, I opt for pepperoni.
Now to decide on the size. Hmmm, do I go for the 11” for £5.10 or the 18” for
£10.00?
Clearly, I’m a greedy bastard so I’m going to go for the
18” and for £4.90 I’m getting an extra 7”. But can I handle 18 inches?
I’m no porn star so this may split me open wider than an
axe to a mushy melon but sod it, let’s do it.
I place my order and wait. I’m told it will be with me in
45 minutes but 20 minutes later it arrives. The delivery driver is a shabby
looking little fella but polite enough, we do the exchange. My money for the
pizza. He says a cheery goodbye and turns to leave, I am just closing the front
door when I look up and see it. A full on bare arse, waddling back to the car,
the driver’s trousers are that far down his entire bloody arse it smiling at
me. It was that hairy that if the light were any dimmer you may have mistaken
it for a bears bum! Now the temperature outside was about -1 so there is no way
in the world he didn’t realise his arse was on show ([perhaps the mass of
tangled hair was keeping it nice and toasty), in fact I’m quite surprised there
were fricking icicles hanging from it, perhaps it was some kind of Santa's grotto. Hmm, the grotty grotto. I'm sure the kids would love it!
Anyway, I finally broke off from the hypnotic bum show
and closed the door.
The pizza was HUGE! Well, it had to be really didn’t it. You
can’t not have a small 18” pizza. You could have crossed the channel on this thing.
The pizza itself was pretty good, sadly a cheddar\mozzarella
mix but the base was like a crisp naan and the sausage was delicious (ooh er missus).
My only complaint was that it was a bit greasy but if you were getting this
after a night out then the 18 inches would slide down quite nicely…. Erm.
Did it break me?
Yes, yes it did indeed. Unsurprisingly I couldn’t finish it,
I even gave some away (unheard of)!
I would order form there again and next time I’d like to
try one of their burgers and milk shakes but I would hope that next time the
only crack I see is the one in the door as I answer it.
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